Days have turned to weeks and months as I contemplate setting aside pen and brushes in exchange for a timecard. My husband has released me from any obligation to work outside the home, giving me freedom to stay in my sanctuary to write and paint to my heart’s content. But can I truly be free when there are debts and two college tuition bills to be paid? Could I not serve my family better in the workforce, assured of a weekly paycheck, instead of waiting for my paintings to sell and my poems to be published? Am I selfish to want to stay home?
Internal struggle
rages like a summer storm—
should not be this hard
And yet I’m right on the edge of realizing a life-long dream of being published. Perhaps a stay-at-home job as a copywriter would be better than working for someone else. But it still does not guarantee a steady income.
There is freedom in working for someone else—financial freedom. And don’t forget the fringe benefits: employee discounts, free parking, insurance package, and maybe even some new friendships. But there is also a loss of freedom: alarm clocks, dress codes, schedules, packed (or purchased) lunches, artificial lighting, climate control, days away from my studio, notebook, and garden….
Just today my daughter said, “I’m so glad Mom didn’t go back to work. I hated it when she had a job.”
There it is. Freedom, at last!
Dark Side of the Moon 
I like how you describe your decision making process. Life decisions like this are not easy.
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They sure aren’t. The one thing that gives me comfort is knowing that my decision doesn’t need to be permanent, and my choice is not irreversible.
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This is a tough decision. It must help To hear your daughter’s words.
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Absolutely!
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I easily relate to this – the freedom to write weighed down by the responsibility of bring in money.
All best wishes for your published life.
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Thank you, Sarah Ann. And the same to you. 🙂
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